He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
