jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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