It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
