All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
