I just threw up on my dentist
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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