i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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