Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
