I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
