Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
