He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
