on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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