Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
