the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
