The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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