Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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