I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
