So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
