She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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