what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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