i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
