i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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