these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
