you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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