worst night to have a conscience
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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