My room smells like vodka and shame
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
