Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
