bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
