He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
