I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
