i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
