I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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