well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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