Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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