Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
