at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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