covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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