you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
