4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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