Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
