On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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