No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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