Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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