I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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