In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
