I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
