these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can text with my tongue
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
