you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
