I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
