If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
