Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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