I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
