You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
